so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
