i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
