She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
