you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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