Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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