Banned from zoo.
Again?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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