i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
