i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
