I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
