How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
