How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
