New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
