remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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