Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
