I hate your face
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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