Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
