pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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