I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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