things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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