If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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