How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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