areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
