are you so shy because you have an std?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
