I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
