how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
