shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
