I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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