Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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