I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
