I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.