Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...