Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..