That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap