I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
