I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
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I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.