I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
this hospital has no fireball
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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