U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
