Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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