I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
