help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
