I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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