Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
its not stalking. its research.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
