they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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