Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
