Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I FOUND THE LEGS
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
