Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
