It's like a parade of train wrecks.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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