On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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