she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
