i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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