I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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