He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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