So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
