I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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