Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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