I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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