thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
