I heard we made out
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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