Are we in a gay sports bar?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
