it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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