So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
