so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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