I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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